Thursday, November 5, 2009

Larry Johnson, You're Acting Like A Real Bitch These Days: Now, Post That Shit on Twitter, Negro

My first official rant, and I promise, I'm about to let this Negro have it.

As I said in my introductory post, I try to take the time to sit back and OBSERVE things before I render judgements. I also said that I don't judge people, but situations.

I am telling y'all, I try soooo hard to give other black men the benefit of the doubt, particularly one I do not know personally, but FUCK IT: Kansas City Chiefs Running Back Larry Johnson is has been carrying himself like a straight-up, bitch-ass Negro (and YOU KNOW I am biting my tongue not to use the N-Word I wanna use, and I don't mean the one that ends with an "A").

In order to stop any of y'all from thinking that I am hating on this man, I am going to acknowledge that when at his best, this man has displayed a penchant for running all over opposing teams, and making touchdown runs look as easy as YOUR MOTHER (Just kidding (I hope), but I couldn't help it). When the brother CHOOSES to focus on the game, he can be one of the best. As a collegiate player at Penn State University, Larry Johnson amassed amazing stats and has the 3-highest single-game rushing totals in the school's history, having broken his own record twice, including a high of 327 yards. Even as a rookie in the NFL, he is the first player in the league's history to rush for at least 150 yards in each of his first three professional games. I can't front, the dude's game was OFFICIAL. I even rode with this brother during his holdout, because for the numbers he was puttin' up at the time, he deserved far more money than he was getting, especially not to have a guaranteed contract.

Talent aside though, I have also noticed that ever since this man has entered the league, he has tried to portray this persona of being some super-tough guy, but let's REALLY put the microscope on this Negro:

1) Everytime you see this man, he's somewhere "thugged-out" so to speak, tatted up all crazy, big chains, bandanas around his neck, popping bottles crazy, mean-mugging and all types of other pseudo-thug shit. However, let the record show that Larry Alphonso Johnson, Jr. is from a town called La Plata, Maryland (How many scenes from The Wire you saw filmed here?), where he grew up in a house (not apartment) with both his parents, where his father was employed as a high school vice-principal, and played for a high school team called the "Little Lions". Don't this Negro sound like motherfuckin' Papa Doc from 8 Mile? Damn, WikiPedia be exposing these dudes, for real.

2) Carefully OBSERVE this man's fuck-boy demeanor IN GENERAL. He is ALWAYS frowning or whining about some shit, looking like somebody done stole his motherfuckin' 8-Ball jacket. From his rookie year until the present day, he always has some melodrama with his coach. In 2004, he was beefing with then-Chiefs coach Dick Vermeil, because he was whining about playing time and the coach straight up told his bitch-ass, "take the diapers off". Most recently, on October 25th, after putting up some trash numbers, he then proceeds to take his issues with his coach head coach to fuckin' Twitter, comparing his head coach's experience to that of his dad, who is currently a defensive coach at Penn State. Next, when some fans responded negatively to his cyberspace-tough talk, he proceeds to call them "faggots" and follows that with some, "I'm Cak'n Patna", money-talk bullshit that has nothing to do with why this man is out there looking like Blair Thomas (Who? Exactly...). To top it off, the next day, when some reporters confront him about the comments, he brushes them off, and adds them to the "faggot" role call. The funny shit is, after the team's management politely told this Negro to stay the fuck out of the Chiefs facility, he has his agent issue some lame-ass apology on his behalf. Beyond the fact that his comments are clearly offensive, how can you call people faggots when you don't even publicly apologize for that lame shit you was talkin'. Larry, take a look in your Louis Vuitton man-purse (Negro, I know you got one), pull out your compact, and look in the mirror, and I think you'll see the "faggot" in this situation.

3) Larry Johnson has been arrested four times in his life for the same thing - ASSAULTING WOMEN. Among these charges include claims that this Negro has waived a gun at an ex-girlfriend, pushed a female to the ground, mushed some chick and spit a drink in the face of another. My dude, you really spit a drink in some shorty's face? What did she do, make eyes at your man? In that case, you might as well have pulled her hair or something - Oh wait, my bad, you already did that to Troy Polamalu after he intercepted that pass in front of you and your ass couldn't stop him!

Larry, I'm not judging you as a man, because even while I talk this shit, I'm fucked up in many ways too, and underneath it all, your probably a decent person. You are also a young brother, and therefore I understand that popular culture tends to dictate how you should carry yourself as such. What I am judging though, is the way you have let this celebrity shit fuck your whole head up.

If its any consolation, you still my Negro though!

Recklessly Yours,

A Negro and A Keyboard

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