Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Gilbert Arenas: Coming Home to Dishes and Empty Soda Cans...

So Gilbert Arenas, I guess you and the World's Tallest Minstrel Show, Shaquille O'Neal, have something else in common besides spending half of the NBA regular season on the bench!

Talk about art imitating life! As if it were a trailer to a remake of the classic Jay-Z, Is That Your Chick? video (To illustrate my point I am going to infuse lyrics from this song all throughout this post bolded in italics and parentheses), it has recently come to light that Gilbert Arenas' fiancee, a SEXY ASS red-bone named Laura Govan (on his left in the pic), been taking down my man Shaq Diesel for years (Copped that for his new down bitch, and I been digging that down since '96!). Recently released E-mail exchanges between Shaq and shorty seem to indicate that my dude "Kazaam" been smutting her out real nice; even after she already had two kids with Gilbert and a engagement rock with "no clouds in her stooooones" (She got you whipped, got your kids, got your home, but that's not your bitch! YOU SHARE THAT GIRL!). In fact, this broad is so out of pocket, that apparently in '06, they were gonna break up and she threatened to serve him with paternity papers during a Wizards game!

The saddest shit about the whole situation is that shorty is expecting their 3rd child at the current time, so the Negro in it to win it (How foul is she? And YOU WIFED HER!).

Now, I am not judging anyone, but this situation is fucked up on so many levels:

First, Shaq, you already married with an OD amount of children, and now, in the words of 50, Shaunie O'Neal is going straight to the bank with this (HA, HA-HA-HA-HA-HA). Diesel, you already was on the verge of divorce, until ya legal team broke out a calculator and showed you why it was "cheaper to keep her". Yeah, that money gonna come up, Negro.

Second, apparently Shaunie and Laura were friends, so think of all the times Shaunie was like "Girl, Shaq ain't made me cum in years", and Laura was like "I hear that!" Shaq got his wife out here looking and sounding all stupid and shit.

Third, did y'all Negroes see these texts Shaq and shorty was exchanging?! Shorty talking about Shaq chewing her coochie down, digging her out in cars (I got your, bitch up in my Rover, man) and all types of reckless shit - over i-Phone! (How she say, "Jay, you can call the house for me!"). This is somebody's moms carrying on like this, but I guess like Jody says in Baby Boy, "Mama gotta have a life too..."

Fourth, what the fuck is Gilbert Arenas gonna do about it? Y'all seen what Shaq did to Alvin Robertson jaw and I'm not even gonna mention Greg Ostertag (You seen him since?). Arenas know he don't want NO PROBLEMAS! The other day, I just saw something where Gilbert Arenas had some internet clips where he was sending some "warning shots" at Shaq. Man, besides getting ya ass aired the fuck out, please do not forget that Shaq was all up in the love of ya life and you took Beyonce's advice and put a ring on it (SMH).

Lastly, all these motherfuckas should be 'shamed because there are children in the middle of all this. Now they gotta grow up like, "My moms is a bucket" or "My pops is a sucker for love".

Now, I don't get on these Negroes to say I or you are better than them, because keeping it 100, I done fucked Negroes girls in the past and Negroes done fucked my joints too (Shit, one of my ex's fucked a celebrity on some "Come to the room and play Playstation with me" G; Yeah I played mines lovely with one of those). All of us have played the fool once or twice.

I do get on these Negroes though, because in the midst of all of this opulence (for my hood Negroes, that means "bread" or "guac") these clowns engage in all this tomfoolery (again, for my hood Negroes, that means "stupid shit"), when they should be focusing their celebrity and influence on setting a decent example of adulthood for these little Negroes admiring their silly asses, who are already all fucked up off BET and SMACK DVD's. Everyone of these Negroes is a parent; just fucking ridiculous.

Gilbert and Shaq, y'all both some bitch ass Negroes and y'all need to stop fucking saving these hoes, and start saving y'all motherfucking houses!

Recklessly Yours,

A Negro and a Keyboard

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